Night Night

My stars have crashed and burned

No more stars

I wanna die tonight

Like I did last night

So I won’t have to bother

Struggling with the four-lettered trouble

My nights have turned all bright

No more nights

I wanna die this year

Like I did last year

So I won’t have to celebrate

Those worthless days with you

My years have faded and dulled

No more years

I wanna die forever

Like I did in my dreams

So I won’t have to wake up

Early and go to college

My dreams have shattered like my mirror

No more dreams

I wanna die now

Like I did yesterday

So I won’t have to have

Another dream of you

My yesterdays brought stars back to life

Stars again

Should I really die?

I guess, I don’t have to

Okay, I believe

I guess, I don’t wanna die anymore

-Jan-

so s-a-d.. hahahahaha^^

kabaliwan ko.. kanta yan.. di niyu lungs alam..

song song song..

Unconsciously Sweet

“I won’t talk. I won’t breathe. I won’t move till you finally see that you belong with me..”

-from the song True by Ryan Cabrera

Sometimes we fail to realize that we’ve already fallen into something that we’ve always avoided. It seems stupid. Even if we try to deny the fact that we’re already in love with someone, unconsciously, we do things that makes us remember that person. We tend to stalk someone unconsciously. As if our day wouldn’t be complete without a single glance from that person. We also get conscious of our appearance once that person is near. “How do I look?”, we ask ourselves in front of the mirror. Doesn’t it feel weird? We start to talk to ourselves and ask questions regarding on what to do’s and what’s not. We do these things but still, we deny that these are signs of being in love.

We tend to deny things because we are afraid of being rejected because if we make a move, it’s either we get a chance to make something start or rather lose it all. Getting rejected without having any chance on making progress at all makes more impact on our emotions as compared on being rejected when we’ve at least, tried. We must at least try on making the first move. We must not let fate conquer our path of love. Even if chances are low, our morale is boosted just by trying. We grow as a person in some ways.

On the midst of getting rejected, we still dance moving closer and closer. Each and every step makes its bond that connects us with that person. We just think that it’s a simple admiration, but deep within our souls, we know we are in LOVE.

Loving someone unconsciously seems eccentric. But when we understand further that it is more than just admiration, we realize that it’s rather SWEET and it feels good. So good.

-Jan-

Dance Into My Grasp

“I don’t know if it’s me or the movies we’ve seen. I don’t remember.”

-from the song Movie by SpongeCola

Considering the fact that this love is a one-sided affection, I’m still pushing through this “Love that might not take place” thingy. In continuation to that so cut version of my real story, the walls have been abolished and a bridge that connects us is now under construction. Like the rain that just wished to pass by our region, not knowing that it may destroy lives of many innocent people, I persevered myself to pursue what I wanted not thinking of anything or anybody that will be affected by my actions. I don’t know how it happened, but I swear it wasn’t all me. I did my part somehow. But still, I consider it one-sided because motives shown are low. Well, you can’t blame me for falling on something that I really desire. Read more:

“Let the rain fall down, it may never come again.”

-from a song that I wrote entitled Dragonfly

That line was inspired by my situation and the storm that has passed recently. What if it was the last? Well, forget about that. Back to the “How it happened” part. I believe that all that is happening was not only wanted by me. As if the confusions were mutual from where I started. All these confusions were not possessed by me alone. Although the confusion was mutual, I just wish that the affection was mutual as well.

Things that I thought that would not come to my grasp are now slowly walking into it. Not one by one. As if it arrived inside a big package addressed to me intentionally. But somehow, it’s still incomplete. And when I said incomplete, I meant big time. It’s like answers were sent to make more complications.

Anyway, too much for being sentimental. I just want to know how it will end. But If ever this whole thing takes place, I won’t mind getting hurt again. I will just take care so that this love will be a wound that never heals.

-Jan-

Consider me broken?? Haha..

I’m going to have my songs recorded^^.. I already have a manager.. :]

GL to me!!

A Love that Might Not Take Place..

"There is a high probability. But think about it.."
-a fake


I kept on thinking when I heard about it. There is a high probability
that our relationship might become intimate. But why must I think
about it? Is there anything wrong with it? At first, I didn't notice
that all those times that my eyes were set on that person, I really
must be under a spell or something. All I knew was I was interested
in that person. Something about that person makes my day seems
brighter. But there is something that keeps bothering me and I don't
know what it is.


I've already seen films similar to my situation, but they, somehow,
ended in tragic or unacceptable decisions. I don't want to ever feel
the same way those protagonists felt. I think that I could not bear
the sorrow that was accounted to them.


Though we know each other, we barely have the chance to talk or
either just spend time together. We notice each other every time
our paths collide. I really want something to take place, but there
is just something that won't let me, us, do it. It's like there is
a big gap between us that is a thick wall instead of a bridge.



I really don't know what to do. And the more I think that there is
a probability for our love to take place, the more I feel the
pressure of the ironic thought of "Sweet Pain". Should I really
confess, even if there is gap that might break us and the other
aspects in our lives as an individual? Will these confusion end?





-Jan-
Sorry for the redundancy of the word "something".. hehe
I hope that someday, I can fully manipulate this blog^^ 

An Introduction of Myself

Hi to everyone! I'm Jan from Antipolo City, Rizal, Philippines. I was born and raised in Antipolo. I have 2 siblings. I'm into computer gaming and playing console-style RPG games. I've always wanted to go to China, so that I can learn more about their culture and mostly, about Mandarin. My skills in writing are not that articulate. If there are any errors in my usage of words and grammar, just think of it as a beginner's mistake. I'm not really into "blogging". I just think that it can help me spend my time. Anyway, I have my special classes later. It's 2:09A.M. here. I need a good sleep. So, goodbye!

-Jan-

P.S.

thanks to Mr. Kevin Oliveros for referring this blogger thingy :]

kindly visit his blog: http://kevinisretro.blogspot.com